I recently got asked by one of my previous Edmonton prenatal class students (thanks for the inspo Alicia!) about how I came to be an Edmonton doula, and it hit me how much I love telling the story of my journey. So why not dedicate a whole blog post to it! The path that lead me here wasn’t a straight shot… sometimes I think that if you told me 5 years ago that I would be teaching childbirth classes in Edmonton and getting to watch babies be born on the regular I would have not believed you. Alas, this is where I am in life and I’m loving it – so here’s my story 😊
Though I had always wanted to have kids, the time that this whole journey began was not planned. In fact, my first pregnancy was a little bit scary for me considering I was just completing the very first year of my brand new business venture – a dance studio for adults. That pregnancy unfortunately didn’t take and I miscarried at 7 weeks, but it really revealed that my heart was ready to start a family. So after my husband and I tried for about 4 months, we got pregnant with sweet Callie.
It was such a dream being pregnant with her, easy and straight-forward. The real troubles in my heart came from thoughts of the actual birth… it scared the shit out of me! I was in the common, rookie mindset that the actual pushing was going to be the worst. I knew absolutely nothing about how to have a baby and so I started with a blank canvas and set out to paint the picture that I would most desire. I did my research, hired a private prenatal instructor, and read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth (LIFE CHANGING book, it’s a must read). Before I knew it the day came for my daughter to arrive, and my birth, which ended up being 2 days of prodromal labour, an induction and ended up in cesarean due to fetal distress/failure to progress, ended up not being what I thought it would be at all… but that didn’t matter at that time because she was here! And she changed my whole world, in ways I never even imagined.
Months after my birth I started to feel this missing piece in my life. My business was struggling to grow, and I was slowly losing my motivation to keep growing it with all of my time and interests wrapped up in being a mom. January 2016 was the first time I had the thought about becoming a doula. I remembered someone telling me about it once in passing. I hardly even knew what the job entailed at that point but I thought “if this can be a little side job for me on top of my other business and I get to keep researching about birth, sounds good to me!”. After a google search I stumbled upon Sonya (my mentor and the head of the Collective I belong to, Full Circle) and called her up to see about registering for the April CAPPA doula training. Turns out she had an opening in the February training… one month to mentally prepare? Sure, afterall this wasn’t (at this time) the start of a career or anything, just a side gig.
Fate and my life’s calling all hit me like a ton of bricks when I took that training. I started the weekend thinking I was going to learn a cool new skill and I left thinking I neeeeeeed to do this work. I’ve never felt so compelled by the universe in my entire life. So yea, pretty major!
After this training my life got a little cray cray. I attempted to continue to run my business while also attending births and being a stay at home mom… it was chaos, and not the good kind. I was constantly in a battle between my head and my heart. My head was telling me to keep working on growing my studio, it needed me and my time. I invested too much time and money and sacrificed too much to throw it all away for some hippy dippy lifestyle. But in my heart… I wanted to be at a birth. I wanted to help women cross that threashhold of being a daughter to being a mother. I wanted to relive what had changed me for the better. And most of all, I wanted more time with my family. For those of you who have had babies and recall that beautiful shift from logical to primal that happens during labour… this is what I needed to do, just in the every day life sense. And after a lot of heartache, disappointment and major growing pains, an opportunity came for me to say good bye to my first born, aka my dance studio, and move on to what my real life’s work is.
This was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Even harder than childbirth – I was grieving a loss of a huge part of myself while also discovering who I really was. And in the midst of all of this, I also suffered another pregnancy loss and months later, became pregnant with my second born. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a shift like this before… but the me standing here today and telling this story. This is exactly who I’m meant to be!
Since focusing my energy on becoming an Edmonton doula and instructor of prenatal classes in Edmonton, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and helping nearly 50 families through the most transformative time of their lives. This career has brought me closer to human nature and what life is really all about. I’ve felt allllll of the feels. I’ve absorbed so much of my clients energy and I grow every single birth I attend and with every single parent I meet. My journey was rocky yet so worth it to be where I am now. I’m a doula and I’m proud!
Thanks for allowing me to share my crazy life with you, feel free to share your thoughts about my journey below!